meaningful connection and support

We support each other in the most lasting and meaningful way by listening and providing a stable, safe connection to each other's underlying emotions and feelings, rather than following the impulse to get caught up in details or judgments, to fix mistakes, to immediately agree or disagree with actions, etc.

So, what does empathetic connection look like?

1) We direct our attention to someone, and sustain it, putting aside all our inner commentaries and distractions

2) We read the core emotional state that lies beneath their words. This requires focused attention: reading facial expressions, body language, listening to vocal inflections, etc.

3) When a true connection occurs, we begin to somatically feel a sympathetic articulation of the emotion they're expressing and manifesting

We're choosing to focus on what lies beneath their stories; details separate and isolate us, while feelings unite and connect, for they are universally experienced. So, even if there's conflict, ask: what's motivating this conversation? What are they feeling right now? What am I feeling right now?

By finding the mental states beneath the words, we can often defuse confrontation and defensiveness.

Comments

fear

There are times in life when intrusive, fear based thoughts latch hold of us, filling the mind with swarming, buzzing thoughts, distracting us during interactions with others, muting the sensory richness of each moment—the sounds, body sens ations, aromas, feelings and on. Such dire visitors—generally based on past resentments or speculative fears—can easily bait and hook us, threatening us with annihilation, repeating constantly; given how constant the messages can be, releasing such thoughts can feel like ignoring ‘the world is going to end’ new flashes on CNN or city sirens announcing impending hurricanes. The mind can really play tricks that make it all to easy to abandon the present, which is, of course, the only place of true safety and utility. When we find the mind latching onto these narratives, images or moods, and we can’t reassure, reason with or let go, sometimes the only solution is to give up the battle and actually write down what our fears are trying to tell us. If ...

Imagination And Creativity as Spiritual Practice

It’s worth noting how few of childhoods’ freewheeling exercises—the entertainments that were once synonymous with youthful delight—journey through to adult life. To a great degree, we’ve moved, en masse, toward consuming entertainment via television, video games and social media rather than creating our entertainment: drawing, making pottery, dancing, singing, and other inventive endeavors. Those same kindergartners who sing, draw, dance, and engage in all kinds of play, will, in only a few years’ time, be streaming their content via iPad screens, which requires less imagination and effort. Consider the mind’s two dominant cognitive networks: the first is the default mode network (DMN), a mental state wherein we can visualize possibilities or solve problems, but where we often wind up speculating about unknowable future outcomes or ruminating about interpersonal conflicts. DMN is largely activated by subregions associated with inductive reasoning centers of the brain (t...

yoniso

In the 1960s Michael Gazzanega noted that: the human brain is organized in terms of a “mental society.”…alongside our verbal system, there resides any number of “mental units” [that each] have memories, values, and emotions, and are expressed through any of a variety of systems.’ What makes this process so eerie is that these systems may not be in touch with each other but rather, have their own existence outside of language and our logic.’ • reptilian brainstem: homestatic body regulation; breath, digestion, shutdown freeze autonomic systems (digestion, appetite, sleep) are disrupted; hold breath • midbrain: survival impulses that activate core emotions (amygdala); heart racing, terror, panic, addictive craving RH/Emo mind , processes experience emplicitly; impulses lie outside of cons. control; context, connection & security . Early, pre-verbal memories are stored in oFrntl & amygdala; the emotional mind largely sends non-verbal signals • Emo facial cues: tears afte...

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